random post

Posted: December 18, 2012 in mental health, SMI, social security

this post is going to seem random tonight, as my thoughts are kind of all over the place. first i wanted to share the meds i am taking. i take generic lexapro and generic effexor. the lexapro i’ve been on since i think May this year. the effexor i just started taking last week. i’m maybe 5 days into it. the side effects are not that bad, other than the horrible constipation and the headaches. oh ya, also i wake up every hour on the hour. the NP (nurse) told me this might happen and to take one pill upon waking up and one around 1 p.m. I do this but still it’s messing with my sleep. I’ve been pretty bad lately with my suicidal ideations, but not to the point of doing anything. i just have thoughts. like i think about it a lot. wonder what it would be like. afterwards. and such. i do this a lot. my friend (who i met inpatient mental ward in sept this year) tells me she thinks i should go back inpatient for a while to get my meds corrected. i don’t know. i am SMI and am going for social security/disability. my attorney says go inpatient if i need to, as it will help my case in the long run, but to not live my life around social security. i agree. right now i’m trying to stay out of the hospital due to christmas. i have the kids still at home and just don’t know how i would explain that to them years from now , where was i on xmas 2012??? hmmm. my first trauma skills class starts tomorrow evening. i will take this once a week for 5 months or thereabouts. they want to prepare me for one on one trauma counseling. seems like a long time to do this, but i am desperate at this point to get help AND it’s free! i hear they do EMDR and all the best top of the line stuff. so we’ll see. i’ll keep you posted on how that goes. for now i’m going to lie down. my mind needs to rest a bit. if you are a newbie to my gentle healing blog, i welcome you to say HI, introduce yourself. and i really hope i do not ever offend anyone. but i want my posts to be real. me. only my thoughts so others can heal with me. have a good nite 😉

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