let’s talk about friends

Posted: January 17, 2013 in friends

so i’ve never been very successful in the friends department. i have 3 friends total. one is 30 years old than me. she is nice, but not at all like me. nothing in common really. we are ‘coffee’ friends. the other is 10 years older than me. we’re really only friends because we’ve known each other for 20 years. the other friend i’ve known for about 6 years and we literally get together once a year for lunch. short, small talk.

well last september when I had my first ever hospitalization i got close with a nice gal, 32, from Germany. She’s been here in the US for 8 years. Her English is good. We got along great. supported each other throughout, and even after. exchanged #’s etc. I’m 41, btw. So our ages are closer than my other friends. well she has mental illness (bipolar) as well. I get that. But lately I’m feeling ‘blown off’ from her. We usually go to a support group meeting together, at least once a week (there are 2 of them to go to). We usually chose one and go together, well meet there. I texted her yesterday morning a HI. Nothing. This has been getting more and more common. No response. Ok fine. I try not take it personally, as she has tons of shit going on. I get that. I showed up last night at the meeting thinking she would not be there, because if she was going, obviously she’d text (in my head I’m thinking this) and say “are you going tonight?” well nothing. Then when she sees I show up she just plays it off like “been a while since we’ve talked. ” WTF? I think I put too much into friendships.

My husband said, blow it off. Dont’ worry about it. Go about my business. if she texts she texts. if she calls and wants to do something fine. He’s probably right. He says, we’ll, look where you met her. True dat.
I mean, making friends out of a mental ward? really?
but I’m mental too, so I figure I’m not feeling as much like an outcast when I make friends like ME who ‘get it”.

what’s your advice.
I’m nice.
genuine, on and on. I’ll be your best friend.
btw, i’ve never had a BFF 😦

Oh, and at Christmas I got each of her family member (her kids, her, hubby, mom) a very small xmas gift. she gave NOTHING to me or my family, not even a card. I get that, sorta. She’s poor and wanting to declare bankruptcy.
Then my bday was Dec 29 and she didn’t even do anything either. we i was in the hospital, so i get that too. But when she picked my up from the hospital to drive me home she didn’t say anything about my bday, nor even give a card. nothing. no acknowledgement of it.

it sucks.
why am I the nice one?
why do I have to text, call, act Like I care when these people never do?

thoughts? help!
I’m seriously going to give up in the friend-making department. I’m 41 with no true friends 😦

  1. Don’t ever give up being nice. And for those who don’t appreciate you -it’s their loss.

  2. notatrial says:

    i am in exactly the same boat. Iv shoved all my friends away and when i start getting close to someone or even get the idea that there could be a possible friendship, i fuck it up and i end up spiraling downhill. I would just ignore her. i know its easier said than done but number one always comes first then you can think about others. xx

    • I hear ya. Life with friends is just so damn hard. I gave her a gift for xmas and her kids. she gave me nothing. I invited her for christmas. she came with her whole family. she is very standoffish lately and it depresses me. it’s probably just HER this time, but with my mental illness it’s hard not thinking I did something and I have guilt. you are right. i am going to ignore it at this point. if she comes around fine.

  3. sorry that last comment was me by the way. i forgot to change my account over for commenting

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