Archive for April, 2013

tackling the systems

Posted: April 17, 2013 in depression, emotions, off topic

you know what this post is about.
fighting the systems in your country.
begging for benefits.
begging for help.
wanting what is yours.
what is right.
so today i was on the phone (first for an hour on hold). next another hour. just to see if i qualify for nutrition assistance.
now, mind you…
i am no longer working.
my husband is working. makes measley (sp?) wages.
2 kids we feed at home.
one who is autistic, disabled himself.
so after 2 hours. we do not qualify.
what a waste of time. i want my 2 hours back to my life. lol.
never again!
i’m so frustrated with these systems.
why why why!
if i could work i surely would.
these systems are more of a hassle than working! sheesh!


I am now seeing a trauma counselor for EMDR hopefully .
Today and next wk is the intake appt.
After that we will create goals and she and I will decide how we will meet these goals. What will be best .
I’m hoping for EMDR.
I hear this therapy works wonders.
I’ve been getting bad flashbacks lately.
I’m disassociating a lot lately.
Zoning out.
Daydreaming, but it’s a nightmare daydream, not a dream dream. if that makes sense.
thank you all for your comments and following 🙂
I’m still here, not working now.
My psycholigist says it’s not good for me to work right now, as I might regress if I keep working.
I’m trying very hard on my recovery.
Trying to stay out of the hospital.
big hugs to you, my friends xo

not surprising, considering my life has been pretty down.
i hate to just come here and bitch about life.
we all have our good days and bad days.
lately mine have been more bad than good.
so i got denied (a second time) with social security benefits (USA). Basically the government is denying that I am disabled and denying they have to pay anything to help me out.
so i appealed once again, with my attorney, and will probably have to wait another YEAR! to get a hearing in front of a court judge. this process in the U.S. is unbearable!
I went to my psych the other day and i was just balling, crying my eyes out.
she said i am unable to work and should stop working. currently i am very p/t from home doing medical transcription.
i agreed with her.
working makes me more ill.
more sick.
more stressed.
on and on.
not sure how we will live on just my husband’s income.
someone we will figure it out. not sure.
just wanted to post and let you know i am still here, just distant. i’ve been isolating a lot lately. bad, i know…